Without a Paddle

What's all this tommyrot about the newly-unleashed iPad conjuring up amusing images of feminine hygiene products in the minds of our presumably educated populace? Are such snickerings similarly inspired by the likes of padlock, paddlewheel, footpad, Paddington Bear, & Paddy Chayefsky?

Last time I checked my computer keyboard sported a numerical pad. Ha ha. Inside my desk drawer can be found a spiral notepad. If you're fortunate, the wheels on your car probably contain brakepads.

On the verge of hysterics yet? Room for one more in the padded cell.

Of course this is the very same culture where Oprah Winfrey, the most powerful woman in the country, can't even mention the word vagina on the air without giving it a cutesy spin, so what should I expect.

This is why Europe thinks we're stupid.