A Crafty Quill

Went to a fiction writing exercise in the Village this evening. We were given a series of prompts centered around a televised event which we were inviting five friends over to watch, then told to freewrite based on our answers. Not much time was given to answer, so a lot of hasty free association was involved.

Event: Championship beanbag toss.
TV: Five inch pocket television.
Room: The laundry room.
Proudest feature of room: The hum of the dryer lulls me to sleep.
Embarrassing feature: Unsightly mound of lint under the ironing board.
Who are you inviting: Sedgwick the diving instructor, Lorraine from the grocery store line, Nick who hangs out in the 7-11 parking lot, Sue the undertaker, Coral the aquarium cleaner.
Time: Thursday of October at 7:43 pm.
Weather: Rainy, gloomy, fizzly.
Food: Pistachios & yogurt. No one brought food, they're cheapskates.
Drink: Bananaflavored milkshakes. No one brought beverages, they're freeloaders.
Who annoys you: Sedgwick the diving instructor because he always hijacks the bathtub & no one can use the facilities. I invited him because he's got the best CD collection.
Who do I like best: Sue the undertaker. She's really good at canasta.
Who do I know a secret about: I once saw Lorraine spit in the coffee pot at work.
Who always complains: Coral always gripes about the weird objects she finds at the bottom of the fish tanks.
Hypochondriac: Nick complains of persistent rugburns.
Pet: Ernie the eel. He does party tricks. Likes to leap from shoulder to shoulder. Lives in a tank which Coral eyes with occupational distaste.
Silverware: Toothpicks & napkins.
Location of food: Balanced precariously on the arm of an easychair.

Something unexpected happens: Luther the cabdriver rings the bell, wants to know who left a stick of dynamite in his back seat. He seems to have a Mentos addiction.

Where is everyone: Sedgwick is floating in the bathtub, Lorraine is snooping through my fridge, Nick is hanging out in my driveway, Sue is in the basement, Coral is cleaning out Ernie's tank, Luther is on my stoop & he won't go away.

What's happening ten minutes before the game: Everyone seems to have split to different sections of the house. I was kinda hoping we would, you know, all gather in the laundry room & watch the tournament together. Might have known this would happen. I think Coral has the hots for Sedgwick. Sure, he looks shapely in his wetsuit, but he's no match for me intellectually, what with my encyclopedic knowledge of beanbag toss. I just hope she comes to realize this before it's too late. After a witty Mentos commercial the tournament begins. I invite Luther in & the two of us crowd around the set. Norway starts the first round, heaving their beanbag like a big fluffy rocket.

The power goes out: Ha! My mortal enemy the electrician thought he could interfere, but his dastardly scheme failed because my portable television is battery-powered. Luther & I crowd closer to watch Finland lob the second beanbag. I hear a cry from the cellar where Sue the undertaker was practicing taxidermy on a squirrel & pricked her thumb in the sudden darkness. Lorraine then gives a followup shriek as Ernie the eel lands on her shoulder. She falls backwards into the argyle-powered dishwasher which roars to life, catching a thread from her sweater in its mechanics. Nick comes rushing in from the driveway, stubs his toe on the little metal doorstop shaped like a dachshund, & lets out a stream of gargled curses. Sedgwick, floating in the tub, uncertainly calls out "everyone okay out there?" As Lorraine is sucked into the dishwasher, Ernie escapes by flipping himself onto Coral's shoulder. Panicked, she dashes blindly through the dark interior, plowing nosefirst into the lavatory door which bursts open with an ugly crack. Ernie the eel is propelled forward, landing in the tub wherein Sedgwick floats. There is a sizzling noise & the smell of bacon. Luther pops another Mentos. "I think something happened to your lights," he says. "I'll light a candle," I reply, fumbling for a match. "Isn't that the stick of dynamite I brought in," he inquires, adjusting his eyeglasses. I glance down. "So it is."